Excerpt of Chapter Four MADE FOR MONDAYS
A story is told about a man who got into the back seat of a cab from the airport and after giving the driver the location he wanted to be taken to he sat back - about 5 minutes into the ride he wanted to ask the driver how much longer and so he gently leaned over and touched the driver on the shoulder causing the driver to become so startled that he lost control of the car almost hitting a glass store front window. The driver turned around and asked the passenger “are you ok?” “Yes,” the passenger replied - “I am sorry I startled you - just wanted to ask you a question”. The driver said, “no I am sorry. You scared the living day light out of me - I am not use to someone in the back seat touching me - you see this is my first day driving cab - for the past 25 years I have been driving a hearse.”
Life startles us at times - things shake us up a bit. Debt, the past, regret, emotion, guilt, dead in job, pain, something you can’t make better all of these and more suck the joy and life right out of you. So how do we deal with that? Well I would like to share 4 ways
1. Never give into the Self Pity.
2. Don’t dwell on “ if onlys” or “what could have beens”:
3. Don’t settle for Less .... but, DON’T forgot the rest.
4. Get ready for Transition from explosion to experience
1. Never give into the Self Pity.
At times when we hear about bad news, about serious statistics, about depressing facts we begin to give into self pity - woe is me ! Woe is our society ! Where is it all going to end ? What will become of our world ? Its finished ! Its done ! Its all over ! - Sound familiar ?
Once we begin to give into self pity, its difficult to stop it and to recover a sense of thankfulness for all the positive things going on our behalf.
2. Don’t dwell on “ if onlys” or “what could have beens”:
The one trait every successful person shares?
It's not wealth.
It's not intelligence.
It's not vision.
It's bravery.
Regrets and second guesses won’t change the past, but the future can be changed by Bravery. Ponder the good things that happen to you. Rarely is every area of your life rotten at the same time. Focus on the positive things and learn from the current trial.
A young boy in a school walked around the school yard one day all sad, depressed and tired looking. Teacher went up to him and asked what was wrong ? He replied: “ I failed my math test” “That’s great” The teacher replied. He looked at me with shock in his face and said ”what do you mean ?” “Well”, the teacher said “ Now you can start over again and the only thing you can do is improve !”
▸ Failure does not mean you are a failure, it means you have not succeeded.
▸ Failure does not mean you have not accomplished anything, it means you have learned something.
▸ Failure does not mean you are a fool, it means you have a lot of faith.
▸ Failure does not mean you have been disgraced, it means you were willing to try.
▸ Failure does not mean you don’t have it, but rather you do it in a different way.
▸ Failure does not mean you are inferior, it means you are not perfect.
▸ Failure does not mean you wasted your life, it means you have reason to start again.
▸ Failure does not mean you should give up, it means you must try harder.
▸ Failure does not mean you’ll never make it, it means it will take you longer.
▸ Failure does not mean that God has abandoned you, it means God has a better way for you.
Sometimes in life we fall down in order to see something down there we needed to pick up in order to succeed.
If we believe this, then a stumble, a fall, a set back, a moment of downturn or concern will not be permanent in our lives, but rather will be momentary
3. Don’t settle for Less .... but, DON’T forgot the rest.
Nelson Mandela said it best: “There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
You cannot live a small life and a full life. When you settle for less:
YOU’LL NEVER FEEL FULFILLED
When you play it safe, you meet your need for certainty – but you won’t create the connections your heart and soul need. You won’t find significance. You won’t fulfill your need for personal growth. Ultimately, you won’t feel fulfilled in life.
YOU WON’T EXPERIENCE LIFE
Fear of failure keeps us from going after our dream jobs. It makes us avoid heartbreak by staying in unhealthy relationships. It prevents us from getting out of our comfort zones. It keeps us from experiencing all that life has to offer – every emotion – including disappointment and joyful moments.
YOU’LL HAVE REGRETS
When you look back on your life, you won’t be glad you settled for less. Right now, you’d probably tell your younger self, “Don’t settle for less in a relationship. Go after that job you want. Dream big.” Don’t wait until you’re old and gray to never settle for less – start now.
But where does the drive to never settle come from? And can you learn how to never settle for less? Well, DON’T forgot the rest.
This means that we going looking. That we do not come fixated on what we believe our destiny is but we trust in Grace that we have been equipped for the moment that we need to succeed.
Let me give you a practical example. Have you ever been in a situation when a certain person just seemed liked the exact individual you needed.
Maybe it was a technician who had the tools and experience to fix something
Maybe it was a doctor, police officer, fire fighter who was there at the moment you needed them most
Maybe it was a friend who knew exactly what to say
Maybe it was a boss who was understanding where someone before might not have been
I mean the right person in the right moment for the right purpose
I believe we are prepared to receive them, but we are also being prepared to be them for others. When we settle for less we loose those moments and so we don’t forget the rest – we keep learning, keep loving, keep giving, keep growing and the moment will come when we might want to loose our grip but we don’t and as a result we a stronger to help ourselves and others
4. Get ready for Transition from explosion to experience
Transitions are the minuscule but vital moments that happen after completing one task and moving onto another. We’ve all been there in the seconds after one task is complete, and it’s time to move onto something new. What typically happens in these crucial moments?
Transitions are often the breeding ground for procrastination.
No matter how good we are at tricking our brain into getting stuff done, transition moments are the times when most people distract themselves with minor tasks or the easiest items on their “to do” list.
There is no greater example of this than transition to growth
In my 25 years of coaching, consulting and guiding others here is what I have learned whether you are a student or a CEO – you don’t like change. Sure we want to see change, we want to be credited with change, we wanted to have the benefits of change in the areas of our life where we will proposer – BUT WE DO NOT LIKE CHANGE. We might like variety, but not change.
CHANGE means a transition from what we are comfortable with towards something else and it takes time, tasks and tenacity to see that happen in our lives.
But to Get ready for Transition from explosion to experience
1. Be “IN THE NOW”
When making a big life change, it’s easy to get caught up in the stress of what the future will hold. For instance, taking a new job or going back to school can feel overwhelming – especially when thinking about everything it may entail – from the steep learning curve and new expectations, to making a positive impression on your new colleagues.
Rather than spending energy ruminating about the past or projecting your fears about the future, try to focus on where you are now. If you can accept where you are and take things step by step as they come, the overwhelming feeling will dissolve. In fact, you might even find that you are excited by the challenge awaiting you.
2. Think “Opportunity”
This period of change, however daunting it may seem, can be looked at as a wonderful opportunity. When everything seems to be up in the air and your old comfort-patterns are interrupted, you’re actually most malleable to change. Try to cultivate a positive outlook. Try to see opportunities for growth. Consider how to “make-over” your life and build new habits and patterns. This change could actually present a unique opportunity to re-create yourself!
3. Have Realistic Timeframes And Expectations
While transitions can absolutely be great opportunities for growth and opportunity, it’s also important to give yourself reasonable expectations. Don’t expect that you’re going to have a full social circle the first month in a new town. Don’t expect to feel fully confident in your new job the first week. Be patient. Simply try to make progress each day.
Remember in every transition – you are much stronger than you think!
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