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One thing that we know, atleast history since Biblical times has shown us this, is that where two people are present, sooner or later, conflict or tension will arise.
I’ve come across a lot of leaders who think that every interaction that isn’t perfectly kumbaya is conflict. And the moment they sense conflict, they begin to think of how they’re going to address it, stamp it out, eliminate it from the culture.
They plan meetings, write emails, spend hours obsessing over how to deal with it, and then, if they’re like many leaders, they sit around and do nothing.
Because they don’t want to create even more conflict.
Leaders often feel that way because conflict is an either/or situation. It’s two people who simply cannot agree on something, or a circumstance with only two viable outcomes.
Conflict is challenging because it requires choice—making a judgment regarding the situation—that will upset someone.
In my experience, conflict is actually rare.
True conflicts are those times when every possibility has been exhausted, every pathway explored, and at the end of the day it’s one or the other. And candidly, those are the situations at the core of leadership.
So, if true conflict is rare, what are so many leaders struggling with?
Why do so many people cry out for help?
It’s simple: what many leaders mistake for conflict is actually tension. And tension is nothing to be afraid of.
Tension is different than conflict because it’s a sliding scale—there are many possibilities along that scale, and it’s a leader’s job to learn to navigate among them. There are plenty of differing opinions, and often there’s even strong disagreement, but doors remain open and people continue to work together.
Good leaders embrace tension.
Great leaders harness it.
Tension can be utilized to spur creativity, to encourage outside-of-the-box thinking and actions and stir a good team into action.
Tension is a natural occurrence that is neither good nor bad—until a leader’s response to that tension pushes it in one direction or the other.
Sometimes, we as leaders need to step back and ask ourselves, “Is this conflict or is it tension?
This is what we have been, on our Podcast, and in my One to One Executive Coaching, tackling:
Episode 145 - Tension or Conflict - Every leader must observe and decide - is it Tension or is it Conflict? Find out one simple way to figure it out and how to handle either in your team. Listen to this episode
Episode 146 - Conflict: Now What? - You know it's conflict - now what? Find out the three R's that will get you through it. Take a listen to this episode.
Episode 147 - Asking Why - “Why” can be the most important question you ask when it comes to overcoming tension and conflict. Take a listen
Episode 148 - Now What? - Sometimes you get called into a role as a leader - and you wonder - now what? Well, take a listen to this episode.
Tension is a part of our every day lives. From small experiences during traffic, to medium size moments at home, to larger events in the office. How we deal with them, and how we define them is crucial to allow them not to control us, and it helps to avoid conflict, which does not need to be part of our every day lives.
I encourage you this week to take a quick read of this great article: “Stepping into a Leadership Role? Be Ready to Tell Your Story.”. I think you will find it very helpful. We often don’t feel ready for dealing with tension or conflict (and yet we often are), so this article helps us handle both in a healthy way.
At Phoenix Life Coaching Canada we work with individuals and teams helping them lead with confidence and grow in clarity. Find out more about how we can help you personally and professionally - reach out today
Remember - Great Leaders Don't Grow Alone
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